Unbalanced relationships

It Is Not Always Obvious at First
At first, it may not be noticeable.

  • Sometimes you give a lot.
  • You adapt.
  • You make efforts to maintain the relationship.
  • And gradually, you feel less and less valued.

At other times, the opposite happens.

  • You close yourself off.
  • You create distance.
  • You try to stay in control.
  • Or you feel overwhelmed by the relationship.

In both cases, something begins to lose its balance.

Two Possible Patterns

Illustration minimaliste d’une relation déséquilibrée avec une distance émotionnelle entre deux personnes.

Some people tend to:

  • erase themselves
  • overinvest in the relationship
  • avoid conflict
  • carry the relationship alone

Others tend to:

  • withdraw
  • protect themselves through distance
  • maintain control
  • minimize the other person’s needs

And sometimes, you may move between the two.

These are not flaws.
They are protective strategies.

The Relational Mechanism

Relationships often activate older patterns:

  • fear of abandonment
  • fear of being overwhelmed
  • fear of not being enough
  • fear of losing control

In CBT, we often observe a cycle:

  • A situation triggers a reaction.
  • This reaction influences the other person.
  • They respond in turn.
  • And the cycle reinforces itself.

From an IFS perspective, different parts may become active in relationships:

  • an anxious part that seeks connection
  • a part that tries to fix everything
  • a part that shuts down to avoid pain
  • a part that criticizes in order to maintain control

None of these parts is “the problem.”
Each of them is trying to avoid an older pain.

When these parts take over, the relationship becomes reactive.
When you are able to recognize them, space for choice begins to return.

What We Work On

The therapeutic work combines several approaches:

  • CBT: identifying relational cycles and experimenting with different responses
  • Body regulation: stabilizing emotional activation in relational situations
  • Mindfulness: noticing what is activated before reactions take over
  • IFS (Internal Family Systems): distinguishing the parts that become active in relationships and understanding what they protect
  • Schema therapy: working on deeper relational patterns
  • Creative approaches, when relevant

The aim is to find a more stable position, where you can stay connected without losing yourself.

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What You Can Expect

Often, the first sessions already help identify the relational cycle.
Putting words to it reduces confusion and guilt.

Over time, you may begin to:

  • recognize earlier what is being activated
  • adjust your responses
  • set clearer boundaries
  • choose more balanced relationships

The goal is to build relationships where engagement and security can coexist.