Low Self-Confidence Is Not a Lack of Ability
Low self-confidence is not the same as lacking competence.
Often, you are capable, responsible, and appreciated by others.
Yet internally, doubt keeps returning.
- You replay your mistakes.
- You minimize your successes.
- You compare yourself to others.
- You feel as if you are never doing enough.
And the more you try to “do better,” the greater the pressure becomes.
The Mechanism of Self-Criticism
A situation involving evaluation appears.
An external gaze.
Something at stake.
A thought arises:
- This isn’t good enough.
- You should have done better.
- Others will notice your weaknesses.
The body tightens.
Alertness increases.
You push yourself even harder.
In the short term, this may drive performance.
In the long term, it becomes exhausting.
Self-criticism can feel like protection against failure.
But in reality, it reinforces inner insecurity.
Where Does This Inner Pressure Come From?
Depending on one’s life experiences, it may be linked to:
- early schemas of high standards or devaluation
- a strong need for approval
- a fear of mistakes or rejection
- environments where recognition depended on performance
From an IFS perspective, there is often a critical part.
A demanding part that monitors, corrects, and pushes.
It is not trying to harm you.
It is trying to prevent shame, failure, or exclusion.
But by constantly maintaining pressure, it prevents a sense of inner stability.
Understanding this dynamic allows you to step out of the inner struggle.
What We Work On
The therapeutic work combines several approaches:
- CBT: identifying self-critical thoughts and testing their validity
- Body regulation: reducing the tension associated with situations of evaluation
- Mindfulness: learning to observe the critical voice without becoming identified with it
- IFS (Internal Family Systems): recognizing the demanding part, understanding what it protects, and gradually helping it adopt a less rigid role
- Schema therapy: working with deeper beliefs related to self-worth
- Creative approaches, when relevant, to make internal dialogues visible and transform the relationship with oneself
The goal is not to eliminate all standards.
The goal is to develop standards that support you rather than crush you.
What You Can Expect
Often, the first sessions already bring relief: putting words to the internal dynamic reduces confusion.
Over time, you may begin to:
- reduce the intensity of the critical voice
- strengthen a more stable sense of self-worth
- tolerate mistakes without feeling shattered
- act with greater inner security
The goal is to develop a deeper form of confidence that does not depend solely on immediate performance.